It’s often said there is a thin line between love and hate, but is it OK to sometimes hate your long-term partner? If you ask actress Jamie Lee Curtis, it’s practically necessary.
Asked about the secret to her 40-year marriage to actor Christopher Guest, she recently said the key includes patience, perseverance and “a really good dose of hatred.”
“All of a sudden you literally want to hate each other. And then the next day, it’s a pretty, sunny day, and the dog does something cute or your child does something cute, and you look at each other and you’re like, ‘Aw, gosh,’” Curtis told Entertainment Tonight after picking up an Emmy Award for her role in “The Bear." “And you’re on another track.”
Relationship experts say it’s normal for couples to experience moments of what feels like genuine hatred. The difference between couples who last and those who don’t can lie in how they handle their emotions in those moments.
“Hating the person you love is the most common thing in the world,” said Jane Greer, a marriage and family therapist and author of “Am I Lying to Myself? How to Overcome Denial and See the Truth." “We think we’re supposed to love our partner all the time unconditionally, but that’s not the way it works.”
Stereotypical annoyances, like leaving the toilet seat up or cluttering the floor with shoes, accumulate when left unaddressed, said Terri Orbuch, a sociology professor at Oakland University and author of “Five Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great.”
To prevent pet peeves from growing into a bigger problem, it’s important to “sweat the small stuff,” said Orbuch, who in her research has followed hundreds of couples over the course of 36 years.
“What starts out as a small, irritating habit becomes, ‘You’re not listening to me. You don’t love me. Maybe we’re not right for one another, and I hate you,’” she said.
Criticizing an issue in the moment, however, isn’t the best approach, Orbuch said. Find a good time and situation to discuss it: away from kids and not right after work, just before leaving for the day or while tired in bed.
Orbuch recommended opening the discussion with positives, then using what she called an XYZ statement. For instance, give examples that show you know they are a great partner overall, such as being a wonderful friend or being good to your mother. Then, follow with: when you do X (throw your clothes on the floor) in situation Y (instead of in the hamper), I feel Z (frustrated).
Then follow with: “Can we talk about that?”
Calling out a specific behavior helps your spouse or partner process the issue better than if you had accused them of having a character flaw, such as, “You’re such a slob.”
“We box that person in where they don’t know what to say or what to change to alleviate the frustration,” Orbuch said.
Greer said a great way to help hateful moments dissipate faster is to build up a reservoir of positive emotions. Take note not only of aspects of your partner that you adore, but also why they make you feel good.
If your partner gives you flowers, for example, instead of simply thanking them, let them know how you felt when you received them. Saying you appreciate the flowers because it showed they had listened to something you needed helps to reinforce those positive emotions, she said.
“When you’re feeling the love, it’s important to label it,” Greer said. “It’s important to say, ‘You know what, I’m having a love-you moment.’”
Albert Stumm writes about food, travel and wellness. Find his work at https://www.albertstumm.com.
FILE - A couple sits by the lake in Cismigiu park, in Bucharest, Romania on April 24, 2024. (AP Photo/Vadim Ghirda, File)
(AP Illustration/Annie Ng)
DENVER (AP) — Shohei Ohtani hit his 54th homer of the season, a towering three-run shot, after stealing his 57th base earlier in the game and the NL West-champion Los Angeles Dodgers powered past the Colorado Rockies 11-4 on Friday night.
The Dodgers designated hitter finished 4 for 5, which also included a pair of singles and a double, and drove in four runs. He now has 24 hits over his last 34 at-bats.
“Shohei, he put on a show,” Dodgers manager Dave Roberts said.
Ohtani is making a serious charge at a Triple Crown, leading the NL in homers (54) and RBIs (130). He raised his average to .309 to trail only Luis Arráez (.312 entering Friday) in the batting-title race.
With his swipe of second base in the second inning, Ohtani passed Ichiro Suzuki for the most stolen bases in a single season by a Japanese-born player. Ohtani was wearing spikes featuring a picture of his dog, Decoy.
Ohtani's three-run blast in the sixth inning landed in the second deck at Coors Field. It was a no-doubter at the crack of the bat, with the sellout crowd instantly erupting, an early show before the fireworks display that awaited after the game.
“(Ohtani) hits the ball really hard because he swings hard and he’s a strong man,” Rockies manager Bud Black said. “He’s a really unbelievable talent.”
His 408 total bases this season are second-most in franchise history. Babe Herman set the record of 416 in 1930.
The Dodgers are now 38-12 this season when Ohtani goes yard.
“He's locked in,” teammate Chris Taylor said. “He's definitely in a zone right now. He's feeling it. We're all just watching him continue to have a good year and he's finishing it strong."
Teoscar Hernández got things started for Los Angeles with a two-run homer in the first. Andy Pages also homered for the Dodgers, who arrived in town fresh off clinching their third straight division title Thursday. The Dodgers moved two games up on the Philadelphia Phillies for the top seed in the National League.
Ben Casparius (2-0) picked up the win for Los Angeles, going 4 1/3 innings, in a game where the Dodgers started reliever Ryan Brasier.
Cal Quantrill (8-11) struggled against the Dodgers' potent lineup, allowing six runs and two homers over 3 1/3 innings.
At 61-99, the Rockies need to win their final two games to avoid back-to-back 100-loss seasons.
A positive for Colorado: Outfielder Brenton Doyle stole his 30th base of the season Friday. That's the most by a Colorado player since Charlie Blackmon had 43 in 2015.
It was a fortunate coincidence the second-base bag needed to be replaced as Blackmon stepped up to the plate in the first inning. The switch allowed his walk-up song “Your Love” by The Outfield to play a little bit longer. The designated hitter/outfielder known for his bushy beard announced Monday he's retiring after 14 seasons — all with the Rockies.
The organization will honor him before Sunday's season finale. Blackmon had a single and two walks Friday.
TRAINER’S ROOM
Dodgers: 1B Freddie Freeman didn’t make the trip to Colorado so he could rest a sore ankle. Freeman was on crutches and in a walking boot after leaving Thursday's game. The Dodgers also left SS Miguel Rojas at home due to a torn adductor.
UP NEXT
The Dodgers will send righty Yoshinobu Yamamoto (6-2, 2.96 ERA) to the mound Saturday night. The Rockies counter with righty Antonio Senzatela (0-0, 3.38).
AP MLB: https://apnews.com/MLB
Colorado Rockies' Charlie Blackmon scores on a triple hit by Ezequiel Tovar off Los Angeles Dodgers starting pitcher Ryan Brasier in the first inning of a baseball game, Friday, Sept. 27, 2024, in Denver. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)
Los Angeles Dodgers' Shohei Ohtani stretches before the first inning of a baseball game against the Colorado Rockies Friday, Sept. 27, 2024, in Denver. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)
Los Angeles Dodgers' Gavin Lux, left, congratulates Teoscar Hernández as he crosses home plate after hitting a two-run home run off Colorado Rockies starting pitcher Cal Quantrill in the first inning of a baseball game, Friday, Sept. 27, 2024, in Denver. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)
Los Angeles Dodgers' Teoscar Hernández gestures to the bullpen as he circles the bases after hitting a two-run home run off Colorado Rockies starting pitcher Cal Quantrill in the first inning of a baseball game Friday, Sept. 27, 2024, in Denver. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)
Los Angeles Dodgers' Shohei Ohtani, left, gestures as he circles the bases after hitting a three-run home run off Colorado Rockies relief pitcher Anthony Molina in the sixth inning of a baseball game, Friday, Sept. 27, 2024, in Denver. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)
Los Angeles Dodgers' Shohei Ohtani heads up the first base line after hitting a three-run home run off Colorado Rockies relief pitcher Anthony Molina in the sixth inning of a baseball game Friday, Sept. 27, 2024, in Denver. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)
Los Angeles Dodgers' Shohei Ohtani steals second base in the second inning of a baseball game against the Colorado Rockies, Friday, Sept. 27, 2024, in Denver. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)
Decoy, the dog of Los Angeles Dodgers two-way player Shohei Ohtani, adorns the spike of Ohtani as he steps on first base after hitting an RBI single off Colorado Rockies starting pitcher Cal Quantrill in the second inning of a baseball game, Friday, Sept. 27, 2024, in Denver. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)
Los Angeles Dodgers' Shohei Ohtani steals second base in the second inning of a baseball game against the Colorado Rockies, Friday, Sept. 27, 2024, in Denver. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)
Los Angeles Dodgers' Shohei Ohtani singles off Colorado Rockies relief pitcher Anthony Molina in the fourth inning of a baseball game Friday, Sept. 27, 2024, in Denver. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)
Los Angeles Dodgers' Shohei Ohtani tosses his bat as he heads up the first base line after hitting a three-run home urn off Colorado Rockies relief pitcher Anthony Molina in the sixth inning of a baseball game Friday, Sept. 27, 2024, in Denver. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)
Los Angeles Dodgers' Shohei Ohtani gestures to the bullpen as he circles the bases after hitting a three-run home run off Colorado Rockies relief pitcher Anthony Molina in the sixth inning of a baseball game Friday, Sept. 27, 2024, in Denver. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)
