Liking a co-worker’s photo on social media. Sending them direct messages. Checking in on Slack more often than before.
Progressively interacting in this way with someone outside your relationship may be no big deal to you. To your significant other, however, it may be microcheating, which some people consider a form of infidelity because it can involve building a bond one heart emoji at a time.
Although pushing the boundaries of what’s allowed in a relationship is not a new concept, the issue has become even more common with the rise of remote work, said William Schroeder, a therapist and owner of Just Mind Counseling centers in Austin, Texas.
“People are having more digital relationships so it kind of creates more space for that,” Schroeder said. “In this work-from-home environment, it can happen even easier because it’s real low risk.”
Microcheating, a term popularized by Australian psychologist Melanie Schilling, could be anything short of a physical or emotional relationship if it involves a behavior you can’t talk about openly with a partner.
Besides furtive social media chatting, it also could mean lingering too long at the water cooler to talk to a co-worker, sharing personal details of your own relationship, or dressing up if you know you’ll see someone.
“We’ve just put a newer label on it,” said Abby Medcalf, a psychologist in Berkeley, California, and host of the “Relationships Made Easy” podcast.
But Medcalf noted that with most of her patients in recent years, microcheating involves texting or messages on social media. And it can be a slippery slope.
As relationship norms evolve and terms like “polyamory” come out of the shadows, liking or commenting on a photo may seem fairly innocuous. Many couples don’t care, Medcalf said, but people who do shouldn’t feel bad for it.
“There isn’t a right and wrong in relationships,” she said. “It comes down to preferences.”
Even if a specific action has not been discussed and forbidden, trouble arises when it takes away energy from your primary relationship, she said.
“It’s cheating if your partner doesn’t like it, or doesn’t know about it, or wouldn’t like it if they knew about it,” she said.
She advised resisting the urge to snoop, which is a sign there is a lack of trust in the relationship. “All you want to know is, how is your partner treating you?” she said. “Do you feel No. 1?”
Schroeder said every relationship has boundaries, some of which may have been discussed and others that are implied. These days, the gray area is bigger than ever.
Particularly if a couple met on a dating app, it’s important to discuss whether to disable it and be exclusive, he said. Then define what “exclusive” means, such as not dating other people, continuing conversations through an app or pursuing others on social media.
The best time to bring it up is long before a problem arises, even if it’s difficult to know when or how, he said. He equated having this talk with driving.
“If you think that you have a full tank of gas, you’re not going to start thinking, ‘When should we stop to get gas?’” he said.
A change in behavior — if your significant other seems to be more secretive with their phone, for instance, or checks social media more often — could a sign of an issue, he said. But try not to be accusatory. Rather, mention you have noticed they are more engaged with their phone and that it worries you because you’re not sure what it means.
“Having that kind of curiosity is a much better place to have a conversation,” Schroeder said.
He said microcheating happens for many reasons, but often it’s because people are simply looking for that spark they feel from a new relationship. Some patients who engage in secretive behavior never cross further lines, but Schroeder said noticing if you yourself are doing it can be instructive.
Also, it doesn’t necessarily mean the end of a relationship.
“It can be this crisis to rebuild,” he said. “Sometimes when these little microcheating examples come up, it can be really helpful to understand, ‘Alright, why is this coming up for me?’”
EDITOR’S NOTE: Albert Stumm writes about wellness, food and travel. Find his work at https://www.albertstumm.com
AP Illustration / Annie Ng
A woman checks social media on her phone in Barcelona Spain on March 25, 2025. (Albert Stumm via AP)
DENVER (AP) — The Denver Nuggets haven't been the same since blowing a chance to beat their nemesis in double-overtime on April 2.
They've dropped three straight since a 140-139 heartbreaker that the Minnesota Timberwolves stole from them after Russell Westbrook missed an uncontested layup to seal it, then fouled Nickeil Alexander-Walker on a 3-pointer with a tenth of a second left and Denver clinging to a one-point lead.
Alexander-Walker sank two free throws to run Minnesota's winning streak over Denver to six games and ruin Nikola Jokic's career-best 61-point performance that night.
The Nuggets lost to San Antonio the next night with all five starters sitting out, then dropped a game at Golden State despite a 44-point first quarter. On Sunday night, they blew a 13-point first-half lead and committed three crucial turnovers down the stretch in their 125-120 loss to the short-handed Indiana Pacers that saddled the Nuggets with their first four-game skid of the season.
“I don't know if I would say there's been a hangover,” coach Michael Malone said. “We were up tonight. We got up by 13. We weren't able to hold on. We were up in Golden State, weren't able to hold on. So, I don't know if it's a hangover necessarily, but whatever it is we've got to find a way to get this out of our system.”
They'll likely have to do it without point guard Jamal Murray, who missed his fifth consecutive game with a pulled right hamstring Sunday night.
Asked before tip-off Sunday if he expects Murray to be back in action by the playoffs, Malone said, “hopefully he’s able to be back by then.”
But where will the Nuggets be?
Anywhere from Ball Arena to a play-in game.
Denver is still in fourth place in the Western Conference playoff race but just a-half game out of eighth place with three games remaining.
Christian Braun, who scored a career-best 30 points against the Pacers but got tangled with Jokic on a crucial turnover with 15 seconds left and the Nuggets down two, said he trusts the Nuggets can still straighten things out in time.
“We get to the playoffs I know this team can compete with anybody," Braun said. "We've got to go in there with momentum. We've got to go in there playing the right way. We've got to find a way to find some toughness.
“We've got to get back to who we are and we've got to find ourselves in these last three games. Like I said, it's not over or anything like that. But we do got to get some momentum.”
The Nuggets visit Sacramento on Wednesday night, then host the Memphis Grizzlies on Friday night before wrapping things up Sunday at Houston.
Before the game, Malone said the reason he's stuck with Westbrook despite his blunders of late is that he looks at his whole body of work this season, not the last week's foibles.
“We wouldn’t be where we are right now, in fourth place with four games to go, if it wasn’t for Russell this year,” Malone said.
After the game, the Nuggets said Westbrook had been admonished by the league for declining post-game interviews and that he was available in the locker room.
But Westbrook's comments recalled Marshawn Lynch's “I'm just here so I won't get fined,” routine.
Q: Is there a sense of urgency in this locker room to avoid the play-in?
“I don't know, man, you know, unsure.”
Q: Malone mentioned your value as a veteran. What can you draw from to help this team?
“I don't know. I don't have the answer for you, man. I wish I did. But unfortunately, I don't.”
Q: What's frustrating you most right now?
“Um, probably just losing.”
Q: Where's the confidence this group can figure something out these next three games?
“I hope it's high. I can't speak for everybody in the locker room. But my head stays high, get ready for Wednesday.”
AP NBA: https://apnews.com/hub/nba
Indiana Pacers guard T.J. McConnell, right, drives past Denver Nuggets guard Christian Braun, left, in the second half of an NBA basketball game Sunday, April 6, 2025, in Denver. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)
Denver Nuggets center Nikola Jokic reacts after missing last-second, 3-point basket- attempt in the second half of an NBA basketball game against the Indiana Pacers, Sunday, April 6, 2025, in Denver. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)
Denver Nuggets guard Russell Westbrook reacts after hitting a 3-point basket against the Indiana Pacers in the second half of an NBA basketball game Sunday, April 6, 2025, in Denver. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)
